Betrayal
by PhoebeOtaku
Summary: Sometimes the betrayal you see covers another even closer. and sometimes it should not be forgotten, so the past returns to haunt Makoto. Part SIX is HERE! OMG! I Will Finish this Story
1. I have more care to stay than will to go

Author: Phoebe

Title: Part one: Betrayal, Chapter One

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following characters, but any plotline that I used them in or any liberties I took with their personalities are mine... Mine! They're all MINE!! *Clears throat* I'm sorry about that... Oh, and the title is from Romeo and Juliet. 

Author's notes: How long have I been working on this? Let's see I believe this was my first attempt at fanfiction.. over a year ago.... Wow I haven't written very many fics... It must be the fact that I'm a muse, but it seems like I've worked on so much more... Anyway maybe posting this one will help me to finish it.

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The dream was silent, fog surrounding me with peace. I simply stood alone on a starlit balcony and stared out over the sleeping Moon Kingdom. My face was wet with tears of loss, but I was no longer crying. Happy and serene, I turned to face the chamber behind me to head for the soft welcome of my bed. As I neared it, I saw the rose upon the pillow. I smiled sadly as I brushed the petals across my cheek.

It was strange how real it all felt. I gave a mental sigh as I cast my thoughts aside and snuggled closer to the warm body next to mine...

My eyes shot open as I leaned on my right arm and found myself looking down on a peacefully sleeping Mamoru, my other arm still wrapped around his neck. My fingers tangled in his dark hair. Feelings I had never had before held my mind, the softness of his hair at he nape of his neck, the way his eyes looked so peaceful, the feel of his skin against mine. As I pondered the last, I realized the arms that tightened around my body brushed bare skin. As he pulled me closer, the fact that we both lacked clothing, seemed both startling and common. For a time I was caught between what seemed like two different worlds, one where everything about this moment was right and safe, and another where it was frighteningly wrong.

"Mamoru-san...?" I whispered. Shock kept my voice low, but it was loud enough to wake him. The confused expression on his face must have mirrored my own.

"Mako-chan...?"

In that moment the building could have collapsed around us and we would not have noticed. Disbelief held us in place. I doubt either one of us could have moved if our lives depended upon it. We lay there staring at each other. I could not remember what had happened, but my body seemed to. That certainty I felt, the memory of passion, even if held in the heat of my body and not my mind, was enough to make me sure. I wondered if he remembered any more than I did. We heard a voice from the front of his apartment, and I suddenly felt like ice.

"Mamo-chan," Usagi's voice called from the front hall, still the surreal shock of the situation held us in place. I felt more frightened than I ever had before. Panic, I had never known what it was. "My mom made muffins so I brought some over! Your door was open so I-" She stopped dead as she entered his bedroom. When she saw us in his bed, our arms around each other, the sheets just below my bare shoulders, the plate fell from her hand. "Mamo-chan? Mako-chan?" Her pain showed plainly in her eyes. Usagi's voice trembled. "Why...?" She asked as tears fell from her eyes.

Mamoru and I looked at each other our eyes locked, there was nothing that we could say. We did not have an answer or an explanation.

"Usa-ko," Mamoru started, but when she looked at us with her big innocent eyes he stopped. She looked away from us more tears gathering in her eyes.

"Goodbye,"she whispered and then ran out of his apartment.

"Usa-ko!" Mamoru yelled after a moment. His voice was forced. What would he have said had she stayed to listen? He started to get up to go after her. Half-way to his feet he seemed to remember that he was naked. He stopped and looked back at me as though he were about to say something, then blushed. His movement had pulled the blanket away from me. I grabbed the sheets and wrapped them around my body in an attempt to cover myself, to hide. Wishing I could die at that moment, I leaned against the headboard of Mamoru-san's bed, hugged my knees, and began to cry.

I had betrayed Usagi, one of my best friends. I had hurt her more than anyone else ever had. That had been plain as Usagi's eyes had washed over us. I didn't even know what I had done. I saw Mamoru out of the corner of my eye and corrected myself. I knew what I had done, that feeling of certainty haunting me, I just couldn't remember it. 

*******

"What happened...?" Mamoru asked after about ten minutes of near silence. My crying had been the only sound. He had dressed in a pair of pants from his night-stand drawer. Staring at the opposite wall, he avoided looking at me.

"I know what happened, but I don't remember....." I answered.

"Are you....sure..I feel like we-?" he asked as he turned back to look at me, sounding more uncertain than I had ever heard him.

"Yes...." I hardly whispered before a fresh fit of tears brought me back down into quiet sobbing. He felt the same certainty. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't think. I could hardly even speak.

"I'm sure it will all be alright Mako-chan. I'm sure it will be fine when we figure all this out" he didn't sound sure. The lie stood out plain on his voice, making me cry harder. Figuring it out wouldn't change the fact that it had happened. "Mako-chan....please don't cry anymore...." he said. He sounded . . . concerned. He moved closer and put his arm around my shoulders trying to comfort me. It worked. The warmth of his body felt. . .familiar and right. But only for a moment. He wiped the tears away from my eyes and kept whispering that it would be okay. I leaned against his chest and closed my eyes praying that it was true. I didn't ever want to leave, I felt safe. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so safe, so warm. Then I thought of Usagi. I asked myself why I feel this way with him? I would never do this to her. I looked up at Mamoru and gently pushed him away. I had, I had betrayed Usagi. Worse, was the fact that I knew I had wanted to. At that moment I looked straight into his eyes. He looked so confused, but he was concerned for me. I could have believed that he loved me. I could have, if I were a blind idiot. I knew that he loved Usagi, more than anything else. Could it be possible that I had broken apart something like what they had, without meaning to, without remembering how. I would never have done that, I would rather have been alone for the rest of my life. What had happened?

"I feel sort of responsible for this....I don't know why I can't remember anything..." Mamoru said pulling me away from my thoughts. He was almost pleading with me, hoping I would blame him instead of myself.

"No...this was not your fault." I told him truthfully. I didn't doubt him, not for a second, but I had no Idea what had happened. "Do you remember anything?" he shook his head.

He leaned back against the headboard next to me and stared at the ceiling.

"Do you think Usa-ko will ever speak to either of us again?" he asked.

"I don't know." I said my tears came silently now one by one "I should go home." I added. Suddenly needing either to be in his arms again or as far as I could get from him. I roughly wiped the tears away from my eyes, pulled the sheets tighter around myself, and started to get up and look around the room.

"What are you looking for?" Mamoru asked after a moment.

"My clothes..." I said in a puzzled voice. Mamoru got up and started to search his apartment for my clothes.

*****

"You didn't find them did you?" I asked as Mamoru-san walked back into the room from the kitchen.

"No" he answered.

"Are you sure we looked everywhere?" I asked rhetorically. We had practically torn apart his whole apartment. In any other circumstances I would have laughed out loud. Though, I couldn't think of any other circumstances in which I would not be able to find my clothes because I couldn't remember where I had taken them off. He smiled, as if seeing the humor. My heart melted when his eyes met mine. I was shocked by the wave of warmth that rushed over me. It was a sweetness that I could only describe as love. I couldn't seem to control my jumbled thoughts and feelings.

"How did I get here without any clothes?" I said finally more to myself than anyone else "And more importantly how am I going to leave?"

"You could take some of my clothes..." Mamoru offered.

A few minutes later I was wearing a pair of his pants and a button down shirt. The pants were to tight in the hips and too loose in the waist but one of his belts helped a little with that. When I came out of the bathroom wearing Mamoru's clothes he smiled at me, a kind of sad uncomfortable smile.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked me.

"Yes.." I lied through my teeth. I hoped that he believed me, I have never been good at lying.

"I could give you a ride home...."

"No, that's alright" I interrupted. I didn't want to leave. "I'll just walk home. I could use the fresh air" I finished.

"Are you sure? It's no trouble..really..." I didn't listen to the rest of what he said I suddenly had to leave I couldn't stand there another minute. I was looking so deep into his eyes, I was drowning. If I didn't leave I was going to break down and cry again. I couldn't afford to do that.

"I have to go Mamoru-san. I'll see you..."I said as I turned and left. I barely made it out of his apartment building before I had to sit down on a bench to cry. I had to see Usagi, I had to try to explain it to her. I didn't know what was going on. How was I supposed to try to explain it? Thoughts of running back into the building and throwing my arms around Mamoru went through my head. It was wrong to even think it and I knew that. "Why am I so confused?"I asked out loud, wondering if I'd even like to know the answer. I couldn't bring myself to start walking home yet. I had to clear my mind. Finally, I stood up and headed for the park.

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	2. Tears of a Soldier

Author: Phoebe_Otaku

Title: Betrayal, Chapter Two: Tears of a Soldier

Disclaimer: not mine, not mine, NOT MINE!!!!! *Cries big salty tears* Are you satisfied now? I own nothing, except for my imagination... Hence, plot is MINE and because of the fact that I possess so very little I am very VERY possessive of that.

Author's notes: You know what's really sad... I'm in a really good mood and by the time I'm done with this I will be walking around like a zombie...

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I wandered in the park for hours. As though looking at the trees might, somehow, make me forget that morning. I avoided the people in the park. I couldn't bear face people, even strangers. I didn't have the right to show my face, to see their smiles. I sat alone on the rocks next to the lake and watched the water, looking for answers. They didn't come. I started to cry again. I hoped that no one would hear me and find me down on the rocks. Stifling my sobs was difficult, until the fit of sadness and hopelessness passed. Finally, I stopped crying. It seemed like the tranquil water was finally having an effect on me. The wind made tiny ripples carrying my eyes across the surface of the pool below me. I looked across the lake again, hoping my mind was clearing. In the middle of the lake a couple was sitting in a rowboat, laughing. I had always wanted to do that. The couple looked so happy together. 

"It's just not fair." I said to myself as my thoughts turned to Mamoru. I didn't understand why I couldn't keep my thoughts straight. I was angry with myself for this especially. It was almost like someone had taken my heart and thrown it into the blender, stirring it up along with any rational thoughts I had ever had. 

The breeze dried the few tears that were still on my face. I had to get home before I broke down again. It wasn't like me to cry. I was usually so strong, I hardly ever cried. 

I stood up and left the park. Walking through the city almost made my forget my problems. There was so much to distract me. The lights, the people all busy all moving through their own lives. I concentrated on anything that wouldn't make me think of Mamoru and what had happened. It was impossible.

As I walked past the arcade I thought of Usagi. I thought that I should try to talk to her. Maybe she would believe me after all. It was not likely, but I had to try. I took a deep breath and stepped into the familiar setting.

"Mako-chan!" said Motoki, he seemed surprised to see me. 

"Hi Motoki-san. Have you seen Usagi-chan today?" I asked him. 

"No she hasn't been here." he answered, his eyes full of questions.

"Oh. . . Okay, I'll try to find her at home." I said and turned to leave.

"Hey, Mako-chan, are you okay?" he asked. When I realized how I must look my hand rose toward my face and hair unbidden. I forced it to my side and tried to look cheerful, and normal. 

"Yes, I'm fine." I said. I have never been very good at lying. 

"Look, Mako-chan, I . . . Mamoru-kun called me this morning, he told me what happened.... Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again. My jaw should have dropped but, I could already feel the blush rising in my cheeks. I should have know he would find someone to talk to. I needed someone to talk to, but who? "Mako-chan?" he asked. I had been staring blankly at him and my eyes had misted over. I knew I was going to cry again. I shook my head to clear it. 

"Yes, I'm fine..." I said again, with as much conviction as I could. The lie sounded loud in my ears. " I have to go home now....Goodbye." with that I left as fast as I could and ran down the sidewalk toward my apartment. I barely heard Motoki as he yelled after me.

*****

I leaned against my door and tried to catch my breath. I had never run that far that fast in my life. I knelt on the doorstep to look for my spare key, dark spots swimming across my vision. I needed someone to talk to, but I couldn't confide in Motoki. The rest of my friends had probably already heard the story from Usagi, if they had it was almost sure that they wouldn't speak to me. Where had I left the key?

"Where have you been Kino-chan?" asked my overbearing, snoop of an upstairs neighbor. Smoothing the hair in the tight gray bun at the back of her head, she continued. "You weren't here late last night and when I brought your mail to you this morning... you weren't in.." she said, her overly sugar sweet voice implying intrigue.

"Since when do you bring up my mail?" was my answer. It shocked me that I was being rude to her, I had never done that before.

"I was just trying to be neighborly and look after the little girl down stairs... You know it really is sad that you have no parents to look after you." I seriously considered just breaking down the door as she went on. "It's really wrong that a young girl should live alone without any supervision. So I take it upon myself to look after you... Where were you last night?" 

I considered just telling the truth 'I was screwing around with my best friend's boyfriend. Only, I don't remember any of it.' and confirming the sinister witch's suspicion that I was a little druggie slut. That seemed to be her impression of every teenage girl. But, before I could get that angry, I found my spare key taped to the back of the lamp next to my door. 

"I'm sorry that's none of you business, I can take care of myself, and I can get my own mail, Thank you." with that I stepped inside and slammed the door. 

I leaned against the door. The woman upstairs was called 'The Snitch' and could never keep her nose out of other people's business. Up until that point I had simply shrugged her off and ignored whatever she said. She never stopped talking about my lack of supervision and the 'never-ending stream of young men that always came to call' to put it in her exact words. Ken, Mamoru, and I thought I should count Haruka because 'the Snitch' thought that she was a boy. That was hardly a 'never ending stream'. Under the circumstances she really frustrated me. I wondered what sort of twisted rumor she was going to start about me. 

After a few moments my anger at the woman upstairs faded. I couldn't really blame her for guessing at the truth, in this case at least. And I deserved whatever I got. I sank down to the floor as I let the wave of pain overtake me. Of all the things for her to be right about, did it have to be this one. This one thing I would never have done. I had wanted my first time to be something special, and I couldn't even remember what had happened. That was almost as painful as the fact that I had hurt Usagi in the same act. 

*****

The warm water from the shower mixed with the salty tears on my face. I sighed as I turned off the facet. The warm water had helped me to relax, but it had hardly solved my problems. I dried off, put on my flannel pants and sweatshirt and sat down on my bed to call Usagi. I had to try even if she wouldn't talk to me. I took a deep breath and dialed her number. 

"Hello?" it was Usagi's mother 

"Hi. Is Usagi there?" I asked. I was definitely losing my nerve 

"No she went out this morning and hasn't come back yet. Would you like me to take a message?" she answered 

"Just tell her that Makoto called." With that I put the phone back on to the hook. My hands where shaking. I had to try to talk to someone. I waited for my heart to stop pounding before I picked up the phone again.

And frowned as I heard an answering machine 

"Huh? Oh, hi!! *giggle* This is Minako. I'm not here, but I hope I'll be back soon. Talk to you later! BEEP!"

"Oh this is Makoto. I need to talk to someone...I'll call you back later." I said defeated. A moment later I tried again.

"Hello?" Rei was home.

"Rei-chan, it's Makoto...." CLICK. I sat and I stared at the phone. I didn't have any doubt that she had already heard the story from Usagi.

"Hello?" answered Ami when I dialed her number 

"Ami-chan!! It's Makoto..."

"I really can't believe you could be so cold and calculating Mako-chan!" she interrupted, annunciating every syllable. Then I heard the inevitable click as she also left me holding a dead phone. 

Finally, I picked up the phone again, dialing Haruka's number. 

"Hey, it's Haruka. Chances are I'm out or..............otherwise occupied." There was a sudden giggle in the background, it sounded like Michiru. "Leave me a message and I'll try to get back to you. BEEP!" I hung up without leaving a message I couldn't break down and cry to a machine. Especially one with that message. 

I curled up on my bed and pulled the covers over my head. It seemed I had lost every thing in twenty-four hours. My virginity, my friends, my self respect, and my ability to think clearly.

*****

I had sunk into a near-sleep trance when suddenly my doorbell rang. I considered just pretending that I wasn't home. But, the persistent knocking and ringing finally got me out of bed. I leaned against the doorframe and opened the door. If it was the woman from upstairs, I wasn't sure what I would do.

"Rei-chan!" I exclaimed when I saw my unexpected visitor. She pushed in through the door.

"What the hell where you thinking, you psychotic bitch??" she demanded. "Do you know how much you hurt Usagi-chan?" 

"Yes, I do...."I whispered. 

"What?" yelled Rei with an expression that would have melted iron. 

"Nothing..." I said and looked away 

"So why, did you call me??" she demanded, crossing her arms.

"I...I wanted to talk to you...." I answered. 

"Really, well this better be good." She had pushed me so far into my apartment that I stepped through the door to my room and sat down on my bed. 

"Well I...." I started gathering my breath to try to tell it without crying. 

"Oh my God!!!" Rei suddenly exclaimed. 

"What? What??" I exclaimed in return, her anger had contorted her face.

"So, you little slut, how long has this thing with you and Mamoru-san been going on?" she accused.

"I don't know what you're....." I was so confused. I couldn't even begin to guess at what had set her off.

"I guess pretty long if he keeps some of his clothes here..." she said gesturing to the shirt and pants folded on my dresser. She continued, coming to her own conclusions. "Oh my god, is he here??" she asked.

"No, Rei-chan, you don't understand, it's not..." I tried to explain but was stopped short as her hand cracked across my face. I held my cheek and stared at her.

"You know what? I never would have guessed that you would do something like this, Mako-chan, you were always acting so loyal to Usagi chan. I guess that makes it even worse" With that she turned and left. I was too shocked to follow her. I sank back to my bed and sat there and stared at the floor. I hadn't thought that it could get any worse.

*****

At four o'clock the sailor scouts had planned to have a study meeting. I hoped they hadn't changed it. I walked up to the temple. Before I could reach the other scouts, I could hear their voices 

"I really can't believe it." I heard Minako's voice first. "I mean it just doesn't seem like Mako-chan to do something like that.... Mamoru-san either" 

"Well, it must have been going on for a while now..." it was Rei. 

"What do you mean?" asked Usagi.

"I'm sorry, Usagi-chan, but I think Mamoru-san has been cheating on you with that bitch for...well, a long time" Rei added. It wasn't hard to hear Usagi's sobs of frustration and sadness. My heart wrenched, why was all this happening?

" I won't believe it..." she said "It can't be true.... Mamo-chan...." she added weakly.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Usagi-chan, but while I was over there, trying to see what the story was, I saw some of his clothes on her dresser." Rei said with conviction

"Really, Rei-chan, you didn't need to tell her that way.." said Ami softly.

"Why not?" asked Rei. "It's better for her to know all of it now, so she can get over that creep." I could imagine the look on Rei's face as she said the last few words even though I couldn't see her from where I was leaning against the wall.

"What more proof would she need?" asked Minako. "I'm sure it was bad enough for her, when she walked in on them..." 

"Is there something wrong with me...?" asked Usagi in an uncertain voice "Why doesn't he want me anymore...?" she added, barely audible. 

"Usagi-chan, there's nothing wrong with you....." 

"But, I thought he loved me" she interrupted as Minako tried to comfort her.

"Well obviously not..."

"Not to mention that bitch Mako-chan" Ami and Rei said in quick succession. I had been walking slowly toward them, but as they said this I stopped. I didn't know what to say to them or even if they would listen to me. I had just become visible to them as they finished their last remarks.

"Mako-chan!" Usagi said, she was the first to see me.

"Usagi-chan... I" I nearly choked on the tears that rose into my eyes when I saw her. Her eyes were as red as though she had been crying since that morning. I didn't need a mirror to tell me that my face looked just as hers did. 

"Well, the slut finally shows her face." said Rei her words cutting straight to my heart. I looked at her trying not to let my tears show. 

"I think I should simply tell you that you're not welcome." said Ami "Since hints don't seem to be enough."

"Usagi-chan...?.... Please..I" 

"Don't talk to me!!" she yelled suddenly and turned away. "I don't want to speak to you or see you EVER! Now leave!!" Those words got me to leave as much as the icy stares from the other three senshi did. They wouldn't believe me even if I _could_ get them to listen. 

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End notes: Well, hello all! I have the next part written. But.... it needs another round of editing, so please be patient with me...it should be up soon.

Oh...Thanks for the answering machine messages, Alexa! I needed some comic relief. 


	3. Crying in the Dark

Author: Phoebe_Otaku

Title: Betrayal, Chapter 3: Crying in the Dark.

Disclaimer: Let's do the disclaimer dance again!!! (It's just a jump to the left....) okay. Really, I don't own the characters... But the plot is mine.

Author's notes: I'm not happy today... Why is everything bad? I mean if somebody knows, please tell me! Because it would just be nice to know... I'm sorry... I getting a healthy dose of Pat Benatar... (Hell is for Children.. In case anyone wanted to know..) and hopefully I will feel better later. ..i'm okay... really...

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The next week back at school was as close to hell as I thought anything could get. The whispers and icy looks from Usagi and the rest of my friends grew worse as the days passed. The long looks and snide comments from others increased as the rumors spread.

For what seemed like the eighth time that day, I ran into the girls bathroom to hide my tears from my classmates. I locked the stall and leaned my head against the wall, the cool linoleum becoming the only thing in the world as the tears slid down my cheeks.

The door opened and let in a stream of teenage girls and I held my breath. I had become an expert at crying silently. 

"And then all the guys were looking at her and drooling." One of the girls said continuing a conversation started in the hallway.

"The resident slut?" another of the girls asked sarcastically causing a tremendous amount of giggles. A foreboding feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.

"Yeah I know! You know, I wouldn't have suspected her of being like that... But well now I see it. I mean she's _always_ flirting." said the first girl. I recognized her voice, she was in my first period class.

"Yeah" added a third girl. "I always wondered what the guys saw in her. I mean I guess she's pretty...And she has a huge chest she's always flaunting it too But she's way too tall. And that whole fighting thing-I heard she got kicked out of her old school for fighting..."

"Well you know what I heard..." the second girl said lowering her voice and pausing dramatically. "I heard she screwed a guy from the university."

"Woah! No way!" exclaimed the girl from first period

"It's true" she said smugly. "I'm surprised you hadn't heard yet, it's all over school!" the three girls giggled and finished putting on their make up.

"Kino Makoto to the counselor's office.. Kino Makoto to the counselor's office immediately" the P.A. system announced loudly in the bathroom. My heart stopped. All three girls suddenly burst out laughing. That sealed it, they had definitely been talking about me. I had known before but that confirmed it. After a moment the laughter died down and I heard the door. I couldn't waste anymore time, the last thing I needed was to get in trouble for not coming to the office 'immediately'. Thinking they had all left, I stepped out of the bathroom and toward the sink to wipe off my face.

"Mako-chan!!" exclaimed one of the two girls who where still in the bathroom. It was obvious that I had been crying. I cursed myself for being so stupid and pointedly ignored them as I washed my hands and face. 

"So is it true?" one of them said slyly as she leaned against the sink I was using "About you and the university guy?" the pain that this remark caused must have been painted plain on my face.

"Wow! It is! Oh my god!" I turned away from them and ran from the bathroom toward the counselors office. 

***** 

"Now, Kino-chan," the counselor said sweetly as I sat nervously in a chair in her small office. "some of your teachers have been voicing a concern about you." she paused assessing my reaction. "You haven't been socializing at all, you don't talk or volunteer in class, your grades are dropping, and you sit alone at lunch." she read off the list from a notepad she was holding. Then looked at me as if waiting for an explanation. When it became clear that I wasn't going to give one she went on. "Now Kino-chan I have come to believe that this had something to do with the rumors that have been literally 'flying' around the school." she smiled at my surprised reaction. "Yes, teachers do have ears and usually know what's going on." she paused almost dramatically as I looked at the floor "I also believe that there is some truth in these rumors one in particular..." as my head snapped to attention she placed her hand on my shoulder. "This is the most persistent rumor, Mako chan. Is it true that you slept with a young man from the university?" My expression gave away the answer even better than words could have, but she didn't know the half of it. "Well, Mako-chan" she said finally after a long pause "I can honestly say I would have left this one well enough alone but your neighbor called in a concern.." The snitch, I should have know.

"She seemed very concerned with the fact that you live alone, without any supervision. She wanted to get the school involved in finding out what you're up to..." I was so angry and shocked that I began to see red. "Mako-chan, I realize that she just wanted a bit of gossip, but I do want you to answer some questions for me. Truthfully. Everything you say here will be confidential all-right?" I nodded, barely believing any of this.

"Yes..." I said softly.

"Are you taking any drugs?" she asked in a routine way.

"No!" I said , completely shocked. 

"Are you engaging in any illegal activities?" she continued.

"No, nothing like that at all..." I said, wondering if she believed me.

"Now, Mako-chan honestly... Do you do this often?" The confusion I felt at this question didn't help.

"Do what?" I returned.

"Well....sleep with..."

"No!" I cut in before she could even finish.

"Mako-chan, you're not asking me to believe that it was your first time?" I didn't need to answer she saw the look on my face and the tears in my eyes and she knew I was telling the truth. "I'm sorry, Mako-chan, I didn't realize..." The counselor actually was at a loss for words. "Did he hurt you?" she said finally.

"No, it wasn't...... He didn't..... I can't explain it." and I honestly couldn't, if only because I couldn't remember. I was sure that Mamoru wouldn't hurt me. It was the only thing I was sure of. 

"Have you known him very long?" she asked trying to seek any kind of information about the mysterious young man.

"Yes.." I answered weakly.

"Are you dating?" she asked she seemed confused by my outbursts of emotion.

"No..." I answered "We're friends. Or were. I think we're still friends." I answered sadly, realizing that I wanted to be more than friends. The one thing that I had realized in the past few days was that I loved him. It wasn't just what had happened between us, but everything about him. It made the pain worse because I knew he loved Usagi and I wanted them to be together, but I had ruined that as well. 

"Did you use protection?" she asked and I suddenly realized that I hadn't even thought of that. It hadn't crossed my mind in the past weeks at all. I kicked myself for not thinking of it before a school counsellor who hadn't even heard the whole story.

"I don't know..." I said uncertainly and her eyes widened. A simple yes or no would have left her with little to say, but an answer as indecisive as the one I had just given gave her cause for doubt.

"Were you drunk?" she asked

"No, we weren't.." I answered. At least, if we had been drunk, I would have remembered something. "And I meant no we didn't...use protection...I was thinking about something else when you asked me..." She didn't ask what I had been thinking about; I wasn't sure that was a good sign. She shook her head and looked at me 

"I would have thought that you were smart enough to at least use protection." she said, still frowning at me in a concerned way.

"Me too." I said under my breath but she heard me. 

"Why didn't you?" she said accusingly. She was trying to point blame at Mamoru, the 'older and more experienced one', for all of this.

"It wasn't exactly...planned." was the best answer I could give, she seemed to accept it. She took a deep breath. 

"Mako-chan, if you ever get into any trouble or this becomes more of a problem, I want you to come and talk to me. I'd also like to know how this is resolved and I hope it is soon." she turned to her desk and reached into the drawer and held a box out to me. "Here, I'd like you to do this soon so we know what to expect and can decide what to do if it's positive." I looked down at the box in my hand and my jaw dropped, a pregnancy test. Fear settled ice cold into the pit of my stomach, my hands shook as I placed it in my bookbag. 

"It would be better to know sooner than later, Mako-chan" the counselor said encouragingly with more than a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

*****

The bell rang to signal the lunch break as I left the counsellors office. She followed me out into the hall but was immediately called into the main office to help deal with some more pressing and important problem.

I watched her duck into the office and stood near the wall while the tide of students rushing by me decreased. Suddenly, being late to class was the last thing on my mind.

"Hey, baby." said a low voice behind me. Almost involuntarily, I turned to see who it was. He pressed me against the wall and started to grope me. I wanted to scream but my voice had left me. I could feel the tears starting in my eyes as I tried to push him away, he had me pinned against the wall, I couldn't move. 

"Stop......" I said weakly barely a whisper, he just grinned wickedly at me pulling me closer. He was in my gym class, the leader of most of the lewd comments which had sent me running to the bathroom. The crowds in the hallway just ignored us and kept on walking. My heart nearly stopped and my bookbag fell to the floor. 

"Hey, a teacher is headed this way." yelled an anonymous student. 

"Thanks." the guy returned. "Well, I'll see you _later_..." he said and turned, leaving me standing against the wall hugging myself and crying. 

After a minute I slid slowly to my knees on the floor to pick up my scattered books. Someone sat down next to me and handed me my chemistry book. I looked up and the person I saw nearly brought even more tears to my eyes.

"Usagi-chan...."I said. Hardly believing my eyes, this would be enough to make everything else better. She smiled trying to comfort me. It seemed she had forgotten everything that had happened. But after a closer look at her face I realized what the look of sympathy had meant. She didn't think that I deserved what had just happened to me, no one deserved that, no matter what they had done. 

"Thank you." I said 

"He's such a jerk." Usagi returned. "Let me help you get the rest of these." she looked back down and handed me few more books. I leaned back against the wall while I stuffed the books back into the bag. I thought that, maybe, everything could get better after all. 

"No way....." I heard Usagi's voice and looked up. She sat there holding the box for the pregnancy test, the expression of hurt and shock on her face could have killed me. I thought I was going to die.

"Usagi-chan.....please." I said but it was to late.

"No." she said as she stood and left quickly the tears in her eyes already showing.

******

I walked home through the park, slowly. I had been in a daze for my last two classes and hardly knew where I was. I couldn't believe what had happened that day. I was sure that I had lost Usagi and I had given up hope of anything else. I stared at my wrist, it could be so easy.

"Hey, I told you I'd see you later." I didn't need to turn around, it was the guy from the hall way.

"Leave me alone." I said to him. I was surprised that I could talk, considering my reaction earlier that day.

"I don't think that's what you really want." he said trying to grope me again. Meanwhile a group of kids from school had gathered around and weren't doing anything to help me.

"Stop." I told him firmly. He pushed me against the tree.

"Getting alittle fiesty! I like it." I didn't even want to imagine what he was going to do next.

"Hey back off." said a voice from behind him "Mako-chan, this guy bothering you?" It was Haruka. 

"Yes." I answered.

"Now don't give me that 'I can take care of myself' speech. Because you didn't look happy." Haruka scolded playfully.

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to. Thank you." I answered, not a hint of sarcasm in my voice. The guy from the hallway had now backed up a few steps and was eyeing her. 

"So, is this your boyfriend, Mako-chan." he asked.

"Who me?" asked Haruka with a sly look on her face. "Well, I wouldn't say that." she added playfully as she put her arm around my shoulders. 

"Oh, so you're the guy she's screwing around with." He said, trying to sound like he knew what he was talking about.

"What?" Haruka asked. "If this guy is bothering you, Mako-chan...you want me to beat him up or do you want to do it?" she smiled, but I could see the question in her eyes.

"Haruka-san, now is not the time to..." I said trying leave.

"Are you Ten'ou Haruka?" asked one of the girls who had gathered around with the rest of the crowd. I recognized her from one of my classes. 

"Yes." said Haruka, immediately wishing she hadn't. 

"Oh my god!!!!!!Ten'ou Haruka-san!! I am your biggest fan can....can I have your autograph???" The girl's eyes might as well have been two huge hearts. 

"You know Ten'ou Haruka, Mako-chan?" Another asked in disbelief. 

"The question is: How well does she know Ten'ou Haruka?" asked another girl, one of the girls from the restroom that morning. 

"Haruka?" said Michiru quietly from behind us, but it was enough to stop the noise of the small crowd. Haruka stiffened as though she ahd done something wrong.

"Michiru...." she returned. This exchange nearly sent the crowd of girls into tears. The apearance Of Michiru had sufficiently quicked the pulse of the young guys still standing around.

"Hey, let's get out of here..." said Haruka.

"I'm not going to argue." I answered. I was beginning to feel alittle dizzy. 

We turned down an alley, heading for the car. 

"Who was that bastard, Mako-chan?" she asked. 

"A guy from school, he's been harassing me...." I leaned against the lamp post my head had started spinning.

"Mako-chan, are you alright?" Michiru-san asked from the other side of the car.

"Yes.....no..." I answered in a weak voice. The gray spots in my vision prevented me from seeing their reactions.

"Mako-chan?" Haruka asked in a worried voice. Then the world went black.

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End Notes: Please review... It would be nice... Part 4 isn't done yet... it will take a while to finish... (I'm sorry. I really am...*prostrates herself on the floor*... Really) School is evil right now... and sleeping is actually somewhat important to me. So please be patient.


	4. The tracks of my tears

Author: PhoebeOtaku  
  
Title: Betrayal, Chapter Four: The tracks of my tears  
  
Disclaimer: once again, I reiterate.... Redundantly..... that Sailormoon is not mine....  
  
Author's Notes: okay....we made 'warm fuzzies' in a meeting tonight so I thought that I would provide at least this much of a 'warm fuzzy' to the wonderful people who seem to like my writing....sadly this part four is waaay short and hence unfinished...but half is better than nothing, ne? Things of note: I didn't realize how much of a cliffhanger I ended on cause this has been sitting on my comp forever and I thought I had posted it....not that it's much better of a cliffhanger (but it's a Different one, at least) I know what happens for the rest of the story, I just need to write it!!! AHHH... Also of note: I confess that I haven't seen ANY sailormoon in YEARS (though I did just watch Pretear....which I would recommend to sailormoon fans in search of a shorter anime..lol) but this story has been burned into my mind for all this time, so I WILL FINISH IT DARN IT!  
  
Author's notes part II: wai wai! I was inspired and wrote the rest of part FOUR! Banzai!! Okay, I'm stopping with the cheering. Originally more stuff was supposed to happen in part four BUT this is getting pretty long already so that stuff has been moved to part five....geez, this is a long fic! But I love the way this chapter ends, is soo 'kawaii!"  
  
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'The mist settling over the moon kingdom is so beautiful', I thought as I walked around the fountains admiring. Something about the mist seemed strange though, it occurred to me that I should ask someone if this happened frequently. Despite a strong friendship with the moon princess, I had not spent as much time here as many of the others in the court.  
  
Moon princess? Suddenly, the thought no longer made sense ... I felt the smallest recognition at the name but then, that was gone as well. Something was shifting in my mind as though something was twisting, was disappearing. I shook my head to clear it, but suddenly could not remember why. I looked up to a balcony above the fountain and saw Queen Serenity and some of the Elders watching. The Queen looked sadly down at me, then turned and strode back into the palace. The Elders still stood there, intent on something. I looked down quickly when I realized that they were looking at me, they were advisors to the queen... Why...?  
  
The question died in my mind, forgetting their presence quickly as the beautiful mist curled in tendrils around the base of the fountain... I was so intent on the shifting colors of the mist that I very nearly did not see him sitting on the edge of the fountain... Endymion...the name drifted through my memory slowly. I had never really been introduced to him, but.... Who? ... someone had told me about him, at least I thought that someone had... he looked up and smiled at me, a warm smile.  
  
"Good evening..." He said, standing suddenly and moving to take my hand. I had noticed before how handsome he was, but... I could not bring to mind why I had not spent more time with him....  
  
We had moved, walking along through the mist. Perhaps it was because he was from earth, my parents would never approve of him...maybe that explained why we had never spoken at length before. But we spoke now as if to make up for the neglect of it in the past, looking into his eyes was like falling into a pool...we talked for hours, of earth, of my home, of each other... the darkness had crept around us with the mist. When he kissed me, I felt the briefest hesitation... something tugged at my memory... then it was gone, there was nothing but him and the mist as his arms closed around me...  
  
"MAKO-CHAN!" Haruka's voice brought me back to the present harshly, only then did I realize I had fainted. The dream had been only that, a dream... but it felt more real than a dream. I had been avoiding sleep lately to escape these dreams that felt so like reality.  
  
"Are you alright?" Michiru asked from my other side. They had knelt on either side of me on the pavement. I looked around quickly before I realized that we must have been far enough away from the group of my school mates that we did not attract their notice when I fainted...  
  
"I'm okay...." I began before Haruka interrupted with the question of whether or not I had eaten that day. "No..." I answered hesitantly after I remembered that I had passed the lunch hour crying. In truth I hadn't eaten in days, I didn't feel like eating at all.  
  
"Well that's probably why you fainted..." she said knowingly "Mako-chan, are you feeling okay?" It suddenly occurred to me that this was going very well, it was too good to be true.  
  
"Sure. Why?" I asked, hesitating.  
  
"Because you look sick. Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Michiru interrogated. They didn't know, the others hadn't told them. I opened my mouth to tell them the whole story but couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted just a few more moments of being Mako-chan again, a friend that people cared about.  
  
"I do feel pretty tired..." I said instead.  
  
"Well, we'll give you a ride home..." Michiru answered, Haruka nodded in agreement.  
  
"Thanks" I said and smiled. I wouldn't tell them, I couldn't. I would just ride home with them and enjoy the peace for a while.  
  
**************  
  
"Bye!" I said as I climbed out of the car, taking me home had turned into taking me out for ice cream then spending a good part of the afternoon together. I hadn't told them, I had realized that they would hate me as soon as they knew. Nothing I could do would change that, but I would have this afternoon to remember.  
  
The dread that I had felt all that day crashed home as I mounted the steps to my door. In my happiness that afternoon I had managed to forget the meeting with the counselor, Usagi-chan helping me in the hall and seeing what I wished she hadn't, and finally the test that seemed to be burning a hole in my bag. That in itself was enough to hold my attention. Everything else seemed to be insignificant compared to that, and what it might mean for me.  
  
"Mako-chan, how was your day at school?" crooned the woman from the apartment above me, sidling up to my door.  
  
"Fine..." I said without really paying attention. Was it really possible, could I be? I hadn't even considered that before, with everything else that was screaming for my attention. Sudden fear snapped me back to where I was...  
  
"Mako-chan, are you paying attention to me? I said, I phoned the school about you, it really seems that you aren't doing well..." she continued.  
  
"Thank you for your concern," I said abruptly, immediately in an amazing hurry. "But I have things to do, excuse me." I pushed past her into my house and locked the door behind me. 'It is possible' I thought as I slid to the floor. And an amazing fear gripped me. I had been mentally counting weeks while 'The Snitch' blocked my door.  
  
So many things I hadn't thought of, so many things I would never have dreamed possible. I was frozen with fear, and with need. Need of someone's support. I lay down on the floor and tried not to think. I was late, by two full weeks, and I couldn't call anyone to hold my hand or comfort me. I desperately needed someone to hold me, to take away my fear, but I wouldn't get it. Nor could I bring myself to actually take the test yet. Instead I lay there in my front hall, and cried myself into a deep sleep.  
  
"I love you." Whispered Endymion, wrapping his arms around me as we lay in my bed. I blushed, he had said that before, but now it was more than just wonderful words. He kissed me and I did not know if I would ever stop blushing. He had made love to me, and it had been like nothing I had ever imagined, and now I felt so warm, loved, and protected in his arms.  
  
**********  
  
"Mako-chan." A voice seemed to call from a great distance, I voice I trusted even if I didn't understand. Something deep in the core of my being recognized the name and, though sleep battled with me, I struggled to open my eyes.  
  
"Mako-chan! Please wake up!" Full of concern the voice grew louder and pulled me from my slumber. I opened my eyes to look into startling blue depths of another set of eyes very close to mine.  
  
"Endym...Mamoru-san." I said as I returned fully to reality. Mamoru was kneeling next to me on the floor in the front hallway of my apartment. "How...why...?" I asked hesitantly.  
  
"I was so worried, I saw you like that on the floor and then you wouldn't wake up..." He cut off pulling me into an almost fierce hug. It was all I could do to cling to him as he spoke, being held was so wonderful. Tears of what I could only describe as joy clung to the corners of my eyes. Since my parents had died, no one had held me like this. People had been kind to me, but never had I felt this safe. His embrace had fierceness and love, the kind that promised to protect something precious from the rest of the world. I knew it was not what some dark selfish part of me wanted it to be, it was not the same kind of love that we shared in my dreams. But this depth of caring, this much...it already seemed infinite.  
  
He didn't love me the same way that he loved Usagi, or the way I loved him for that matter. But, he did love me. He cared about me this much and it comforted me, making my pain less sharp.  
  
"I've been so worried about you Mako-chan, but I didn't know what to do or if you would want to see me...it's just been so confusing..."  
  
"I wanted to see you...so much" I whispered not turning my face from his shoulder. The tears fell slowly and silently. "Why did you decide to come now?"  
  
"I've been fighting with myself over it for a while. I hurt Usa-ko so much, I couldn't think of much else. And then, I didn't want to cause you anymore pain, Mako-chan..." he shrugged off my protest before I could make more than a small sound. "Today I ran into Haruka-san and at first I thought she was going to kill me." He let out a small laugh that really didn't have any mirth in it. "But, she's been out of town so she doesn't know anything about...what happened."  
  
He pulled back from me to look down at my face and seeing my tears started to gently wipe them away. "She told me about what happened earlier and that she was worried about you. I think it was then that I realized how much worse this must be for you than I could have imagined...I'm so sorry, Mako- chan." He whispered the last, his eyes full of sympathy and pain.  
  
"This was not your fault." I told him firmly, clinging to him. He opened his mouth to protest, but I didn't let him speak. "You wouldn't hurt me; you especially would not hurt Usagi-chan this way. I don't claim to know what caused us to forget that night, but I do know that neither of us would have wanted to hurt Usagi-chan, or each other... like this. We were both a part of it, we both can't remember any of what happened, we are either equally at fault or neither of us is to blame. Stop making yourself the only Villain"  
  
"Mako-chan..." He tightened his arms around me for a moment before I pushed away to try to stand up. Instead of making it to my feet, I swayed when a wave of dizziness hit me and Mamoru caught me. "Mako-chan, Haruka said you were dizzy because you hadn't eaten, did you have anything since then?"  
  
"No," I answered weakly "Just a little ice cream. Mamoru-san, I'm really sorry. I just feel really weak and dizzy."  
  
"It's nothing to be sorry for..." he said as he picked me up and carried me toward my room. "You just rest for a little while and I'll find you something for dinner."  
  
"Thank you, Mamoru-san." I said as he gently put me down on my bed and turned to head back to the kitchen.  
  
"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of you Mako-chan." He said smiling back at me over his shoulder.  
  
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oh, there is soooooo much more...just you WAIT! Please review or feel free to email me about the story or characters or whatever.  
  
Btw: something funny to do while taking a class in east asian history and studying japan. Watch samuri deeper kyo while studying the appropriate time period (ie. Beginning of tokugawa shogunate) then Kenshin ova (or samuri X) when studying the bakumatsu (end of tokugawa/restoration of the emperor) then rurouni kenshin for the beginning of the meiji era... is a head trip... Is also fun to understand the random Japanese that the prof. uses in lecture based solely on what you've learned from watching anime....lol  
  
Not that any of those have anything to do with sailormoon...  
  
Please be patient with me, I know I've used this excuse before, but school is evil (but now it is so much more evil due to the fact that it's college.) and I'm totally overbooked with activities too! I'm shocked that I could make free time to write this much in an afternoon... 


	5. Someone to watch over me

  
  
Author: PhoebeOtaku  
  
Title: Betrayal, Chapter 5: Someone to watch over me  
  
Disclaimer: insert creative way of saying "sailormoon doesn't belong to me" here  
  
Author's notes: so my friend jack went to a waltz ball with me and beforehand we were chillin and waiting for our ride to show up (we are sad college students that lack cars) and we managed to get into a convo about anime (jack and I are the only two otaku in our typical circle of friends –yes, we are those undercover 'normal seeming' anime addict/dorks-) it is a measure of how diverse my taste in anime is to say that he and I like a lot of the same stuff...(I let him borrow my complete Kenshin collection....he was very happy...) and though he is not a sailormoon fan we somehow got onto the subject of my fanfiction (probably through Gundam wing) and I told him about this story... and gasp told him what happens overall and gasp The Ending!! (can't you just hear the capital letters on those words?) So I do know where this is going (and, incidentally, so does jack) I just need to have time to work on it.  
  
Author's notes II: ya know, it's proof that I tried to start this earlier...I wrote the author's notes for it back in ...april?...and then had so much to do that I couldn't write anymore until now...august......and come to think of it.... Jack STILL has my Rurouni Kenshin...grumbles...I woke slowly from the first restful sleep that I had experienced in days. The dreams that seemed so sweet in sleep and so haunting in my waking hours had been blessedly absent.  
  
Mamoru slept peacefully across from me, curled up on top of the covers that he had tucked around me the night before. One of his hands clasped mine against his chest where I could feel the gentle rise and fall of his breath while I watched his face, so peaceful, as he slept. The night before he had raided my kitchen until it miraculously produced some soup and a half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Somewhat disgusted with the meager offering, he stood over me until I consumed every drop and crumb then sat down, facing me across the expanse of green comforter on my bed...  
  
He moved slightly in his sleep, enough to pull me from my musings for a moment and back to the present. If I hadn't fallen in love with him by some previous cosmic accident, I would surely have given my heart to this sleeping angel. The thought very nearly brought an audible sigh, which, I thought, was an improvement over tears. The night before I had looked at him, his eyes full of questions and concern, and all I could do was weep. I couldn't tell him about the very real worries that clouded my thoughts; words escaped me and ran for their lives. Exhaustion, stress, nervousness, regret, fear, some combination thereof? I don't know which really caused my lack of vocal aptitude, but Mamoru didn't seek an explanation. He just slid an arm around me and pulled me close to cry on his shoulder, allowing me to pull strength from him, from his warmth and support.  
  
When it became clear that sleep would claim me before I recovered my voice, he tucked my blankets tightly around me and made as if to leave. I caught his hand and whispered a simple request.  
  
"Stay." One word and he stopped and looked back at me, the silent tears still on my face echoed in his own eyes. "Please, don't leave me alone...." I must have been near delirious to ask, delirious and afraid, I will admit, afraid to feel the utter loneliness that he had suddenly appeared to save me from. I needed a friend with me, to watch over me and keep the nightmare of my life at bay for as long as possible. Mamoru seemed to understand; leaning against the headboard he sat, smoothed my hair away from my face, and gently kissed my forehead.  
  
"Sleep," he said while he looked into my eyes, "I won't leave you to face this alone anymore..." It was all I could do to nod as he took my hand firmly in his, nod and close my eyes, finally giving in to my fatigue.  
  
I felt infinitely stronger than I had for weeks. I had never been weepy and dependent, I was always the strong one, but the last few weeks had proven otherwise. By striving to be strong I had built up walls around myself, excuses, lies to keep from being hurt. My stubbornness would shout 'Pull yourself together, Kino Makoto!' anytime I looked over the brink into depression. Few people had ever lightened my loneliness and losing almost all of them in one fell swoop had shaken me, shaken in ways that I don't think I can ever fully understand. The result made it harder to survive on my own as I had done for most of my life. I needed to draw strength from someone else until my heart, bruised still from the void my parents had left when they died so many years ago, recovered enough to cope with the love that I knew I would never have.  
  
Mamoru offered the strength, and the understanding, I needed so that I could take the time to find my own again. I hesitated to wake him. Despite what I had already gained, I still wasn't sure I had the strength to tell him all of my fears.  
  
It amazed me that the possibility of pregnancy was still secondary in my thoughts to worries about Usagi-chan and her future with Mamoru. It was something that I was sure could rip them apart forever.  
  
If I were truly as strong as I would like to be, I wouldn't mention it...ever... even if it were true. I would cover it up with lies and conceal the truth the best I could. Thoughts of a future like that brought tears to my eyes even more than anything that had happened to me in the recent past. What if I was...? I knew that I could not give up a child, even for the sake of someone else. Even if I lied and said that another had fathered it, I'm sure that Mamoru, and everyone, would suspect...but they would pretend to believe the lie, just to go on with their lives. Usagi could be blind to some things when it suited her.  
  
'Could I do that?' I asked myself, silently wishing for all the answers. Then it dawned on me, fully and without any shield for what pride I had left. Who did I think that I was kidding? I didn't have the strength to face even the pregnancy test by myself, let alone the rest of my life with or without a baby.  
  
The nervous churning of my stomach was nothing compared to my thoughts just as his blue eyes opened and stared into mine. I'm absolutely sure that it was my unease that morning that woke him.  
  
"Makoto, what's wrong?" he asked, not looking even slightly disoriented as to where he was. I stared at him for a moment, a long moment. Seconds ticked by on the glowing hands of the clock in the early morning dark of my bedroom. My mind was utterly blank. I could not even blurt out a stuttered 'I think I might be pregnant with your child...'  
  
Mamoru sighed and pulled me close to him and I buried my face against his chest but refused to cry.  
  
"Please tell me, Makoto." His voice was gentle still, but the firmness behind the request still rang true.  
  
"Mamoru...I..." I took a deep breath, to steady myself. I wasn't sure when the honorifics had disappeared, but they seemed somehow absurd in this moment.  
  
"You told me last night to stop making myself the only Villain." He tightened his arms around me, much as he had the night before. "'We are either both at fault or neither of us is to blame' I believe were your words..." Gripping the material of his shirt in a fist, I nodded against his chest.  
  
"I want to know everything." He said simply.  
  
And I told him. Everything.  
  
He didn't interrupt the torrent of words that poured out of me in hushed tones. The dimness of the room in the beginning helped me, his fingers brushing away tears coaxed the complete truth out of me, his embrace comforted me. I meant to hold back, not tell him the totality of my pain. I didn't mean to tell him that I had realized that I loved him.  
  
I felt his arms tighten in anger hearing about the rumors in the school and again at the mention of the boys who had tried to take advantage of me. I told him everything, from my feelings the moment I woke next to him to the comfort he had given me the night before. I felt his breath stop when I told him about the counselor and the test I could not bring myself to take. When his hand resumed stroking my hair I continued, telling him what Usagi had seen and what I had realized as my neighbor harassed me on my doorstep.  
  
"Makoto?" he asked when I paused, exhausted from the ordeal of reliving the story. The sun now glared through the windows, it must have been near noon, I had no idea how long I had been talking.  
  
"I'm not even sure I know myself anymore. I want you and Usagi-chan to be together, but I have these dreams that just..." for the first time Mamoru interrupted me.  
  
"Dreams?" he said suddenly with a quizzical expression on his face. "What kind of dreams?" he asked fully taking in the blush that covered my face.  
  
"I think they might drive me insane..." I offered as a preamble to my description, gathering time to fight down my blush. "Dreams about you...well about Endymion... and me...or..well...me in the moon kingdom... that you and I..." I finally gave up on stuttering out the rest, figuring my blush was enough of a flattering description.  
  
"Makoto..." he whispered, the expression on his face one of shock, blue eyes met wide green ones. He looked as if some great epiphany had struck him. I opened my mouth to ask him what had so intrigued him just before the door to my studio apartment burst open rebounding hard against the inner wall, only to be stopped by another strike which I was sure left a crack in the glass windows.  
  
"So..." intoned the implacable figure silhouetted in the doorway by the late morning sun. Realizing how the scene looked, with me in Mamoru's arms the blankets tousled around us in the dark room, I very nearly groaned. My luck was not improving. I wished I could have groaned and hidden my head under the covers, praying it was a nightmare. But as it was, for the second time in my life, I was absolutely frozen by my fear.  
  
In my doorway stood one enraged Te'nou Haruka, who, it seemed, had been brought up to date on certain things that had occurred while she was out of town.Author's notes: wow! Finally, another part! Once again...for some reason I thought I would be able to cram more into this part... and once again I was wrong...  
  
Sorry to go all introspective in the story for so long...but hey, It's first person...and my inner monologue is one big run-on sentence... so, why shouldn't Makoto have the same...  
  
Oh, and please excuse terrible grammar etc....if something is really confusing, please tell me... I'm posting this as fast as a can...so I'm not going to let it sit on my computer rotting for a week whilst I edit and edit...(thought you would prefer it that way)  
  
Anyway, I'm going to start writing responses to my reviewers after this chapter...A. because I've seen so many other people do it and B. just because I like reading the writer's responses to my reviews =D  
  
But first a little bit of fun to take you mind off of the wait for the next chapter...  
  
A silly scene that I could not help writing after it popped into my head. Not saying that this is what actually happened on Mamo-chan's side of the story...just saying that I found the thought rather humorous...and I'm sorta sick of being depressing all the time...  
  
Motoki sighed as Mamoru finished his tale and refilled the cup of coffee that was sitting before him on the table. Wondering, for the umpteenth time, if he should be pouring his friend a cup of sake instead, Motoki stared in such blatant disbelief that Mamoru was forced to repeat himself...twice.  
  
"So let me get this straight, one more time..." Motoki sighed and continued. "You are absolutely certain that you had sex with an admittedly beautiful woman last night, and you can't remember one second of it?" Mamoru claimed that his body seemed to remember what had happened the night before, and in this respect he adamantly maintained that he was definitely not mistaken.  
  
"That's right." Mamoru answered. "I can't remember anything."  
  
"Not anything?" Motoki inquired once again, to the eternal frustration of Mamoru.  
  
"Not a single solitary moment." Came the terse reply.  
  
"Bummer..." said Motoki before he could stop himself. If looks could kill, the young man would have been nailed to the door by about a dozen of those roses that tuxedo kamen loved to toss around. Such was the venom in Mamoru's gaze.  
  
"Not Funny."  
  
"Well...I mean...if you're going to be in this much trouble over it...you might at least have gotten some good memories..." Motoki immediately wished that the filter in his head had stopped this hideously tactless effort to redeem his former comment. "Can we just pretend I didn't say that...?" Motoki asked and Mamoru, for the sake of their friendship, complied.  
  
Basically this is a blanket thank you to everyone that has reviewed thus far! I'm so sorry that it is taking me so long to write this story. I realize that I was a sophomore in high school when I started and now I'm a college junior... but I promise that I will finish this!  
  
Your reviews really do encourage me when I'm blocked, and goad me to get back to it.  
  
I believe that I'm owed 'forty lashes with a wet noodle' from someone... and I'm trying really hard not to let the wait get too long again!  
  
Responses to reviews from chapter 4  
  
I love the rest of you too! I just don't have time to type all the responses!  
  
Nightrider- thanks... (your review got me to get back to work on finishing this chapter...go you...) you all should thank nightrider... this would have taken another week otherwise...=D  
  
Jupterlover-thanks for all the reviews! Here ya go! Hope you like it!  
  
SAR- hope that the wait wasn't too terrible, I'm soo sorry. Thanks  
  
College student that loves kino makoto....etc etc – I wish you luck on marrying Mako-chan...  
  
I don't think she seems like a bad girl? What do you mean? Makoto is nice, that's what makes this hard for her (and coincidentally, worse for usagi – because they are so close the seeming betrayal is all the worse...) Shinozaki...hmmm  
  
College does suck...it interferes with fanfiction in so many ways...  
  
Sailorlita18- well, thanks for reviewing the whole thing. Haruka is obviously a little pissed (so sayeth the understatement queen)  
  
Katsie2- um... I'm sorry you hate Mamoru... let just say I write him as I would like him to be...... so perhaps mamo-chan as I write him won't be so offensive to you...(apparently I tend do this with a lot of characters, present them in a different light) I also haven't watched any sailormoon in FOREVER... (but I do have a photographic memory...)  
  
Fauly – I sort of already did this response in amongst the reviews... but I will paste...just in case...Fauly, thanks for the input and the compliment to my writing if not the story as of yet. i promise you that all will become clear, i also dislike the 'let's break up the main couple for the hell of it and see what ensues' type fics. i wish i could do a mind meld with the computer and post the rest of the story at this exact moment so that you could understand what i mean by "all will become clear". Please feel free to email me about the story, i promise i don't bite, i am not mean, and i would actually like to talk to someone about the story. outside of just authors notes and it would be helpful. thanks so much for the review. =D  
  
(see, am not mean =)  
  
Serenity blossom- thanks for your reviews, hope this chapter is to your liking!  
  
Jupiter hime- Look! I'm continueing –Gasp- your hopes were not in vain! =D  
  
Babymar-mar – glad you like it even though it is sad... I like writing it and its so sad! Weird, ne? 


	6. Until the sky falls down on me

Author: Phoebe Otaku

Title: Betrayal, Chapter 6: Until the sky falls down on me…

Inevitable groveling apology: sessha is very very very sorry… I really do try to update faster….  
i'm also sorry that it's kind of short...(the author would like to remind readers that murder is not onlyagainst the lawbut will also, inevitably, cause a very great delay in updates)

Disclaimer: Normally one would use this space to proclaim one's disappointment that she is not the possessor (sole or otherwise) of the characters used herein and lament the stated lack as an atrocity thrust upon her by the cosmos (or more colloquially 'the powers that be') who, through no fault of their own (of course), failed to realize that their grievous transgression in this sense would result in copious amounts of frivolous nonsense formally known as 'Fan Fiction' which must inevitably be prefaced with an almost certainly superfluous 'disclaimer' in order to avoid the wrath of the true title-holder of the sacred 'original story' which she has now so carelessly profaned. Some, however, merely state the fruitlessness of such a pursuit by the author/owner by admitting that while they may be rich in knowledge, they have naught but dust financially.

Did anyone understand a word of that?

Man that was fun to write…. D

other notes: I have recently discovered miss meringue sugar free vanilla meringue cookies….little bites of heaven I tell you!

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Haruka took in the scene slowly, wordlessly expressing loathing, her aura emanating the physical violence that seemed to pulse just below the surface of her skin. Every instinct screamed for me to spring away from Mamoru, but he held me where I was, only allowing me to turn slightly in order to face the livid blonde. Mamoru opened his mouth to speak to her, I didn't know where he found the courage to do so, but she silenced him immediately.

"Don't you dare…" she intoned dangerously, "I'm still trying to think of a good reason to let you live…" Mamoru looked down at me for a moment before he removed his comforting hands from my waist and stood before he started to speak again.

"Haruka-sa-" he cut off short when Haruka punched him hard in the jaw. I couldn't help but stare in amazement. Mamoru didn't flinch, merely let his head turn with the impact, and Haruka, all the more enraged by his reaction, let out a cry and let both fists fly.

I have no doubts of Haruka's skills as a fighter, and perhaps it was only because she was so incensed while Mamoru was oddly calm, but Mamoru managed to catch both of her hands and unbalance her enough so that she landed hard against the wall and dresser. She stood slowly, wiping blood from her temple her eyes flashing.

"I don't want to fight with you, Haruka-san." He said, forcing his arms to his sides.

"Who said you had a choice in the matter?" She spat, looking back at me briefly. I had the distinct feeling that she was planning the best way to kill me, painfully, after she finished with Mamoru. "At first I really couldn't believe it, then I see you two…" she gestured to illustrate what she thought we had been doing. Some irrational part of my brain was almost amused that she had missed the fact that Mamoru and I were both fully clothed. The only reason an amusing thought even registered is because the rational part of me was in a dark place quivering with fear.

I don't know what possessed me to do it; I know that it wasn't some conscious decision on my part. But I found myself standing between the two of them, staring down Haruka. At this point the rational part of me was moaning in a corner. Haruka, I knew, had no qualms about hitting a girl.

"Haruka-san," I didn't know how my voice was so calm, even more so than Mamoru's. "Please…" Her full arm slap nearly unhinged my jaw.

"Bitch," She said, eloquently. Mamoru in the mean time had caught me in my stumble after the blow and now was the very embodiment of rage. I laid a restraining hand on his arm and shook my head, his demeanor relaxed slightly as Haruka backed up.

"If you aren't going to listen to us at all…" there was anger in my voice, despite how quietly it came out. Haruka opened her mouth to give some witty retort, I'm sure, but I continued, ignoring the protests of what sanity I had left. "Stop!" I yelled making her eyes blaze with anger. "Neither of us want to fight with you, so if you aren't willing to talk, leave now." Defiance and anger were all I could feel consciously. Fear had been blasted out of my head by another all consuming emotion. Weeks of sorrow, self loathing, and bitterness transformed themselves into an incredible amount of rage. One person had been actually willing to listen to my side of the story. One. I still felt terrible for what had happened, but no longer certain that the blame should be placed on me or Mamoru. The injustice of everything was derailing my mind. I believe that without the gently restraining arm Mamoru had wrapped around my waist upon seeing my demeanor change I would have launched myself into an all out battle with Haruka. I'm still not sure who would have come out worse.

"You disgust me…" she spat, before stalking out of the apartment. Suddenly drained I sank to my knees turning my face into Mamoru's chest then, noticing the blood on his lip stood shakily to pull him into the bathroom and clean his small injury.

"She'll be back." He said quietly. All I did was nod, there wouldn't be any argument from me. "Makoto…" he said followed by a long pause. Our eyes locked a moment before his gaze flicked down to my abdomen and one of his hands moved to rest gently against my stomach. "Perhaps it would be better to know now, instead of later…" I heard his voice tremor with nervousness, fear, emotion, but it was nothing compared to what I was feeling. There were no words for what I was feeling.

Somehow we managed to find the pregnancy test and open it; he waited for me in my bedroom while I took it. Setting it down to wait the prescribed time period I walked out to Mamoru who blinked at me from where he sat on the edge of my bed.

"I can't look at it yet." I murmured as I slid down to the floor between his feet, my arms around his waist and his protective arms around me.

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Author's notes: I Am So Freaking EVIL! Now that I've admitted it please don't feel the need to tell me that…

I didn't want to leave the terrible terrible cliffhanger ending (which will have the inevitable wait to update attached to it…) BUT (that terrible word) this has been Rotting on my computer for MONTHS and I'm sick of it just staring at me… so.. I will update in hopes that this kickstarts my creative juices

Things have happened out of order… (I know I know.. even the best laid plans)… I had a plan.. and then it just flowed out onto the page the way that it did and I liked it the way it was (darn enraged Haruka popping in at the exact right moment but before I was ready for it)

I've been in a sort of funk lately… my coloring books (yes I have them) have even been looking at me in askance 'phoebe… don't you feel artistic?' "well… no not really" 'what about paints, you've always liked them?' "nah" 'oh… god forbid… fanfic writing?' "I should… but I just… sigh"

We're looking at a few more chapters…plus an epilogue and maybe a vignette or two (as in some different povs after everything is calm again) and maybe, hopefully, more omake style random things like the end of last chapter…

Next chapter: possible encore appearance of nosy neighbor 'the snitch' and maybe getting some questions answered… like 'how long can phoebe stretch one minute?' and 'how many chapters of 'is she or is she not?' cliffies can she possibly make?' and quite possibly 'what will mako make for lunch being that she ate the last of her food two chapters ago?'

My lovely reviewers, how I adore thee… let me count the ways:

Athena Kyle: yeah, apparently fight of flight mode is a natural response to a POed Haruka. Thanks do much for encouragement in reviews and random ims D  
Note to everyone else: you can im me too my SN is my penname… wow.. how …simple and logical...(I know, I'm surprised too)

Jupiterhime- thanks. (I am serious about finishing.. it's just going to take forever..) I hope this was done 'within the next year or so' … heh…

Babymar-mar – (the motoki mamoru scene was just randomness and is unfortunately not part of the chapter… but I still think it was funny) was it really last august that I updated this? Dear lord! I'm going to stop thinking about that before I pass out..

Nightrider – wow… less than a year… amazing… hope you like it D

Jupiter girl – darn tootin it's about time I updated… um.. not much happened in this chapter… lets see if I can drag out the perpetual cliffhanger for another chapter…I really really hope not…

Cris – updated… It wasn't really soon… but being that I once had a three year stretch of nothing… I'd say I'm doing better…


End file.
